No Beauty We Could Desire: Thoughts on Beauty and Faith

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Retracting a Mistaken Theological Idea from My Book on Unrequited Love

Over at her blog, Love and Respect (Now), Joy Eggerichs recently posted a nice video review of my book Loves Me, Loves Me Not: The Ethics of Unrequited Love.  In subsequent Twitter conversation, I told Joy that almost as soon as the book was published there was one comment I made I’ve wanted to retract.  So she asked me to post about that in the comment section of her blog, which I’ve done.  The track back is below for the conversation.  Here’s the body of my comment.


In the book I say that we shouldn’t ever pray that another person would fall in love with us because such a prayer is asking God to over-ride another person’s freedom. What was I thinking? We pray to change people’s minds and hearts about things all the time, and rightly so. We pray for conversions. We pray that people who dislike us would soften their hearts. We pray that people who are fighting would start getting along. These are good prayers.

And they’re not prayers to over-ride anyone’s freedom. God’s sovereign control over our thoughts & desires does not overcome our freedom; it establishes our freedom. I know this in every other area of life; but for some reason it felt as if romance should be different. Very sloppy of me.

Now praying for someone to fall in love with you is often going to be a pretty selfish prayer, and so it’s not a prayer that I would expect God to grant all that often, but that’s a different issue.


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